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Chuck…

I feel pathetic because I’m writing about a boy. But then at the same time I know no one reads my blog so I have nothing to be ashamed of. 

I had a crush on Chuck. A plain old ordinary schoolgirl crush. But now I officially like him. Is it weird I think there’s a difference?

Last night we were at church and its after the sermon and everyone is worshiping. I’m looking around at people praising and singing out to God and I look over and Chuck has his eyes closed and his arms outstretched just praising God, not caring that people could see him. It’s not often you see guys that age so care free. It helped me to see that he isn’t lying about loving God. He really does. 

My number one thing I look for in a guy is a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ. So now that I know that I can move on to the next things on my list. I don’t actually know what order these go in but here’s my off the top of my head list.

Christian, Honest, Loyal, Kind, Generous, Intelligent, Funny, Tall 😉

We’ll see how this all plays out.

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We’ll call him Chuck.

Chuck isn’t really his name, but that’s what we’ll call him.

I met him randomly at a friends sporting event. We exchanged witty banter and that was that. Then I saw him again a few days later… more witty banter. Then after a few days we became friends on a social networking site where we had some more (you guessed it) witty banter.

I don’t know a lot about him. But I like what I do know – and I’d like to get to know him better.

I also know how I am when it comes to the opposite sex. I love the chase – anything after that requires too much effort and I give up – or my chase leads me nowhere and they don’t end up liking me back.

The thing is, I’m sick of the chase. I really do want someone I like to like me back, and we have a great time together and we become best friends and all that. I want someone I can fall in love with. 

It’d be pretty cool if Chuck were that person.

I hear you.

So I’m a huge fan of postsecret.blogspot.com – readers send in their secrets written on handmade postcards and this guy posts them on his blog and makes books out of them – it’s completely anonymous.

Every Sunday he updates his blog with new secrets – I was taking a look and found this one.

When I was in high school I was overweight – I’m very tall so you technically couldn’t consider me fat because I carried my weight better than a short person would. But I still was Susie Stick-Thin. I really liked this guy – we were great friends – I’ve never really been in love but I think I was close with this guy. He once told a friend of mine we would never date because I was fat. This and a few other things led me to lose weight. I’m tall so I’ll never be super skinny – but I’m much smaller than before and I think I’m gorgeous. But when all was said and done – this guy was still a jerk.

Before I lost weight we were good friends but never anything more. Once I lost weight he only wanted to hook up with me – we lost our great friendship – he still wouldn’t date me (even though I was a lot more attractive he didn’t want to be seen in public with me [he’ll never admit that though]).

So when I came across this secret on the website (it’s honestly not mine) I was excited that someone else had a similar experience. Then at the same time I feel so sad for her. I know what it felt like for me and it wasn’t pleasant. For so long I was heard and not seen. Now I’m seen and not heard. I really liked that guy – but my experience with him made me hate myself for so long – and I still have a hard time trusting people. I know I’m beautiful and his opinion doesn’t matter – but it was a long hard road getting to that opinion of myself.

But I’m here now – and I like who I am.

So to whoever’s secret this is – I hear you.